I think I'm changing my way of thinking...

I think my way of thinking about running is changing...

   Somewhat, anyway... At least, just how I'm viewing things...

   I've said in a previous blog that I have a love/hate relationship with running. Some of you may know what I mean by that. You have a goal in mind, and you want to reach that goal. Once you reach that goal, you feel so awesome and amazing! It's just a matter of... making yourself actually get up and put in the work. You know, getting out the front door and so on. It's tough. It's the "hate" part. Lots of emotions go through your brain that aren't particularly welcome...

              Fear

                         Anxiety

                                    Doubt

   Mostly things that keep you from believing in yourself. The things that you have to force yourself to get passed.
   That's been my whole struggle this last couple of years. Sure, I do "the deed", and I feel happy and great when I'm done, thinking I'm on top of the world, and how much I needed that. But those feelings always come after. Not before.

   Well, yesterday, I was supposed to do interval training on the treadmill (I'm training for a half marathon in July) when I got home from work. I got to work in the morning, and I thought to myself "You know, I don't feel like fighting my feelings today. I think I'm gonna just give myself a break today and skip out. I'll train extra or something next time." Well, about an hour before I got off work, I was stressed from the work load all day: the drama, the crazy customers (I'm a barista), the spilled milk (I actually wanted to cry over spilled milk!), that an unexpected feeling came over me. A feeling that I needed to work out my anxiety. Not with food. Not with massages. No, they wouldn't do. My body actually took over my brain, duct taped it to a chair, and said "Look! I don't know what kind of business you're running upstairs, but down here, we're suffering! We need some outlet, or we're gonna freeze up! And no more CRAP you've been dumping on us, the ice cream, the sitting on the couch watching TV. It's not solving the problem! Look at the BIG PICTURE HERE! We need ACTION! We need to RUN!" 
   Completely shocked by my reaction to the stress, I immediately went home after work, put on my running shoes, got on the treadmill, and very desperately, I tied my fastest run ever! Ok, so it's really not that impressive, I'm still slower than every other runner on the planet, but I'm giving myself kudos. I changed my way of thinking about running. It's more than something I need to do. It's a tool. A tool I can use in every day life, for any stressful situation. Not exactly to solve problems, but it'll at least keep my head from exploding. And heck! I mean, I didn't get on the treadmill with a goal of tying with my fastest run; I just ran! Watch on wrist, but not dependent on it. Music playing through the speakers, but hardly the motivation for me. No. The motivation came from deep within me. Motivation duct taped my brain to a chair and had a pep talk with it. Motivation came sneaking around the corner when I least expected it. 
 

   It was all I needed. I hope it keeps popping in.

Happy Running.